It's been on my mind a whole lot lately. I've lived in or close to this city for 5 years now and I've grown to love it, but have started to feel a bit antsy. I knew when I moved here that I needed to stay longer than 3 years because it would be good for me to experience living in the same place for once. I did, and it was, and now I'm longing to go.
This evening during study breaks I've been watching parts of a Quebecois movie called "C.R.A.Z.Y.", about a young boy growing up in the 70's, navigating his attraction to other men through a time and place (and family) that does not accept homosexuality. During one scene, his father confronts him about it and, at least for now (I haven't watched past this scene yet), disowns him. It made me wonder how I'd react if my child wasn't heterosexual or felt that they should have been born the other gender - which I think is called transgendered. I felt a bit ashamed that I couldn't answer this immediately, especially in this day and age of increasing openness and discussion of the rights of GLBT folks - but I did have to think about it for a while.
I think it would be hard for me. I know for a fact that I wouldn't love him/her any less and that I wouldn't disown them for that reason. Gay or straight or anywhere in that spectrum, if they were reckless in their behavior, I would have a problem with that, but I could never let their sexuality or sexual identity get in the way of the love and admiration I'll have for my own child. So that's comforting.
Right now.
Those of you who read this blog have probably heard this already through conversations we've had, so please forgive my tendency to tell the same stories over and over again.
My mother married my stepdad when I was 12, and he has shown me the utmost love and respect since then. He has two sons of his own, but he wasn't able to see them grow up and although they have gotten much closer, they don't have the typical father-son relationship because of the years apart. I used to watch as their birthdays would roll around and he would cry because he missed them so much and couldn't be with them. He's over the moon that he has contact with them again, but they don't call him dad - they call him by his first name.
I was talking to my friend recently, who lost his mother when he was quite young. When he was 18 his father remarried, and I asked him about his relationship with his stepmom. I was shocked to hear that he calls her mom. To me, the idea of calling a stepparent a parent was absolutely out of the question. Having had two stepmothers and a stepfather, I had trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that you can give your stepparent the same love and respect you give mom and dad. I subconsciously always believed that I had the right to show my stepparents that they are not welcome, which may be natural for a child but not appropriate for an adult (which I'm trying to learn how to be). When I asked him how he could have started calling someone mom even though he didn't grow up with her, he said "out of respect for her - she loves us a lot". This touched my heart and taught me something new about love. Having experienced the awkward and sometimes painful stepparent transition a few times, I felt my admiration for this friend increase tenfold (at least!).
Even though I loved the idea that he calls his stepmom 'mom' out of love and respect, I still exempted myself because both my biological parents are still alive. Less than a week later, however, I was talking to another friend who grew up with both his father and stepdad in his life, and who has a strong connection with his stepdad, who he actually calls his father. Ok, so I'm not exempted after all.
After toying with the idea for a couple days and thinking about how much love I have for my stepdad - not only for the love he shows me, but for the affection he has for my mother - I decided it's not too late to start calling him dad. This is actually long overdue. How many times has he introduced me as his daughter and I corrected him rudely. He didn't do that by accident - he has told me and shown me time and time again that he thinks of me as his daughter.
So although this will be difficult to get used to, I have started calling him dad. Every time I do it I giggle because I know he's incredibly tickled by it and because it still feels so unnatural. But once I started doing it, I realized that this is the first time he's been called dad in around 15 years.
As I was going through some boxes at my mom's house yesterday, I found a couple items from my childhood. These are few and precious since most of them had to be tossed out when I was in junior high.
One incredible find was a book my mom bought when I was a toddler called "School Years". It was a scrapbook that kept track of my family tree, my school photos, and what my personality was like as I went through each grade. For every year from kindergarten to senior year my mom enclosed a school photo and had me fill in the questions. Most of it is in my handwriting except for the years I didn't get to visit my mom, which just included a lonely paragraph in her handwriting, explaining where I was that year.
From kindergarten...
Influential people: Dad, mom, Vivianne, Snoopy
What I want to be when I grow up: A penguin
Talents: Running, dancing, getting ready in the morning and evening, brushing hair and putting hairband in hair
Habits: sucking finger, looking in the mirror
From Grade 2...
What I want to be when I grow up: Teacher, housemom, artist, bird.
Talents: Love, dancing, drawing, doing my homework
Favorite song: Everything's going to be alright by Bob Marley
5 things found in your bag:
1) I actually put an open packet of sweetener in there - it spilled...so a bunch of loose sweetener and a pair of tasty sunglasses
2) My eyeglasses, broken
3) You can always count on me having something unnecessary - in this case, a ziploc bag with 2 broken crayons in it
4) A pack of decaf coffee I got for free from starbucks
5) My daily planner, with all the days and months in greek
5 favorite things in your room:
1) My picture of Ruhiyyih Khanum in South Dakota given to me by Suzanne
2) A peace lily
3) My checkmark-shaped wall shelves
4) A little prayer rug I got as a gift, currently being used to cover up a stain
5) Your mom
5 things you have always wanted to do:
1) Be a hype man for a cool band - I'd basically dance on stage with sweatbands and a neon tracksuit and throw prizes into the audience
2) Go back to India indefinitely
3) Develop an awesome accent unintentionally
4) Have some of my friends from Canada visit me in Minnesota
5) Work for the U.N.
5 things you are currently into:
1) Acknowledging that the rules do, in fact, apply to me
2) Coffee (decaf) with soymilk (unsweetened)
3) Wearing my hair curly (after I burned a few chunks of it off last time I straightened it)
4) Long walks, both for leisure and for transportation
5) Mira Nair movies and other artsy Indian films
5 people you'd like to tag (Now, you're It):
1) Moody
2) Anisa
3) Hrothgar
4) Angelina
5) Brad
Some that I didn't know are: Americium, Europium, Einsteinium, Californium, Indium, Neptunium, and Rutherfordium.
I think my favorites are Antimony, Tin, and Mercury.
I've been using this game on sporcle.com, a website with a bunch of educational games that are super simple and actually pretty fun.
The website also has games in which you must name US states, countries of each continent, seven deadly sins, 10 commandments, and so much more. No, I'm not getting paid to advertise for them, I just really like trivia.
...is the type of thing you can find in the 'apology' section of www.someecards.com. My friend Anisa and I spent some time looking through the website this evening. We found many of their cards to be inappropriate, overly-sarcastic, and just plain wrong.
But many of them are pretty funny. Here are some I enjoyed -->
Some other options:
Friendship: "You make me less nauseous than several people I know"
Thank you: "Thank you for making it easy for me to stalk you on facebook"
Relationship: "Let's have children and live vicariously through them"
Relationship: "You make me want to go off my meds"
Glad you're back: "Welcome home to the mess you'll have to clean up"
Unfortunately, I'm very drawn to sarcasm. I try hard not to use it (often unsuccessfully [see above]), because it's sort of passive aggressive. Someecards.com, however, is an occasional guilty indulgence of sarcasm.
show ever made, in my humble opinion. Here are just a few reasons why:
